I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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