I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
