I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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