Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
