I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
