I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
