At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he was CRYING into my vagina
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
