...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
