I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
