At least make sure they are 18
Why
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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