So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
