i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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