the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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