i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
