Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
