took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
