everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
