Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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