Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
