weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
