Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
