I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
