All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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