I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
