T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
