dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
