The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
