This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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