i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
