Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
