They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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