I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
