Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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