I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
