so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
