Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
