He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
