really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
