we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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