Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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