I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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