Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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