well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
