I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
