I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
