3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
