Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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