i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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