hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
