pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
