My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
