I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
