her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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