I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
