her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
