their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
