it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
