he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
